Fear

I remember one time in college. Visiting a haunted house. It was one of those places downtown. Set up in a rented space. Just for Halloween. And you walked through it. Not knowing what was around each corner. Each turn.

For someone who really does not like to be scared, I have no idea why I went. Maybe because my friends went. Maybe for something to do on a Saturday night. But I hated every single minute of the experience.

Fear. I carry a lot of fear. Most of it irrational. Of things that will never happen.

But there is a different kind of fear. One that always seems to lurk right behind me. Maybe it is not right behind me. Maybe it is really just in the back of my head. A fear app. Always open. Never shutting down. Never closing.

Our school verse this year is Joshua 1:9. “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Ironically. Or not. This verse has been pulsating through my thoughts for the last four months. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid. Do. Not. Be. Afraid. When this verse first started replaying in my head, I had no idea how much fear would paralyze me over the next few months. Or how much I would forget. Lose. These words. In the fear.

But this verse. It starts with a question. Have I not commanded you? Because twice before, in previous verses, there is the command. Be strong and courageous. Then again in verse 9. This command. Be strong. Be courageous.

This is not something being asked of me. As if I have a choice. If I want to or not. I am being commanded to be strong. Commanded to be courageous.

Then. Do not be afraid. Once again. A command. It is not a choice for me to be afraid or not. I am commanded to not.

And why not? Because the Lord MY God is with me. Everywhere. Every step I take. Every place I travel. Wherever I am.

Honestly, this is a lot easier said than done for me. There are times I can feel so strong and courageous and unafraid. Feel though. That is the the key word. When I FEEL strong. When I FEEL courageous. When I FEEL unafraid. Yet it is not about how I feel. Or how I anything. Bottom line is God is with me wherever I go and because of this I AM strong and I AM courageous and I AM unafraid.

A friend pointed out that this verse is the what I do. Because it is a command, it is what I do. But there is also a how I do it. Because that is what I need. The how. How am I going to be strong and courageous and unafraid?

John 4:18 says “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear: because fear has torment. He that fears has not been made perfect in love.”

What if this is the how? She said to me.

Perfect love only comes from God. And in His love there is no fear.

And this verse is right. Fear is torment. It seeks to knocks us down. To debilitate us. And I know for me, it does.

But if I rest in God. I rest in His love. I hold on to the knowledge and the assurance that I am fully known and loved and beloved by Him. Then this. THIS casts out fear. THIS is what makes me strong and courageous and unafraid. No matter how I feel. No matter what I think.

Because I am known by Him, I can be strong. I can be courageous. I can be unafraid. And it is up to me to grasp on to that. And not let go.