Brave

“ Live Brave.”

I changed the cards on October 1st. Each of the 12 cards in the stack I wrote in colorful pens on the last day of 2017. Purposing my heart to focus. To pray. On change and miracles and growth. One for each month of the year. The new year. 2018.

This would be the 2nd year of focusing each month on a different purpose.

I stumbled across this on New Year’s Eve of 2016 while reading Ann Voskamp’s blog. Purposing my heart. Because so many times, New Years Resolutions are lost by the end of the first 31 days. So why not focus on a new heart purpose each month.

And so whispered prayers over what words to match with the verbs, lead me to a year of watching God meet me each month. With lessons about myself and drawing me closer to Him. Some so very “OUCH!!”. And others soothing and relieving.

And after a year of so many purposings and lessons and heart changes, I again put colored pens to paper and whispered prayers. Purposing my heart for the 12 new months of a new year.

So here I was. On the 10th month. Facing the sunset of the year. Changing the cards.

“Live Brave.” Following by a prayer from my heart. A longing to live bravely.

And as the days clicked away through the month, some days I remembered my heart’s purpose for the month. Others. It slipped away from me.

Till one evening. With a handful of days left in the month. A handful of days to focus and purpose on brave. I saw brave. Flashing of memories. Little home movies I witnessed. Here and there. Over the last 25ish days.

Prayers from my kinders. Hearts asking. Longing for a friend in our class to be brave. Feel brave. Know he is brave. For the earthquake drill. As he cried and stood so close to me. His classmates spoke brave words over him. Each one. Bravely asking. Bravely stepping before the throne. Asking their Jesus. Help him be brave. Help him know he is safe.

A friend. Sharing during devotions. In vulnerability. Bravely confessing her own middle of the night conversations with God. As He worked in her heart. What He was working in her life.

A text. I am struggling. Bravely reaching out. Bravely admitting weakness and a need for community and prayer and others to stand alongside.

Because living bravely means so many things. It is bravely asking God and approaching His throne of grace with confidence. It is brave vulnerability and opening ourselves up to others. It is bravery in the face of weakness and longing to hide, but reaching out to others so not to be alone in the dark.

For me. Live brave. The same day I turned the card. The same day I read those words, forgotten about for over 272 days. It was not lost on me as I made my own brave decision. And as I smiled. And laughed. Because God knew. As I whispered prayers and I penning heart purposes 10 months before. He spoke the word I needed to live. Brave. Because He already knew that on this day. What I would be doing. What I needed.

I needed to live brave. And I would. I did. I am. Living brave.