Seasons.

12/17/22

Seasons are pretty non-existent in California. There are very subtle changes that only a native may notice. An orangish tint to the afternoon light in the fall. A wave of greens covering the just yesterday brown hills in the spring.

The last few months I have been very aware, unbeknownst to me, my life moved into a different season. I began reflecting this morning, the first day of Christmas break. The first day. Time. I have been able to really reflect on the change of season in my life, in our family.

The change in season started in January 2022, when I began my administrative credential program. Back to a season of being a student. Only, I was almost 20 years older than the last time I was a student. Only, I was a student in a program which would be leading me to something I said I would never do. Weekends spent reading, creating presentations, writing papers and responses. School law. Educational finance. Governances and policies. Communication. Administration. And so many more. Three APA projects to turn into the state.

Next. A season of change as a parent. My oldest turned 18. Moved 3 states away to college. My baby was driving me to work and around town. Both didn’t need me as much. Life 360 became a daily, maybe an hourly, part of my daily existence. Our evenings were different. Looked different. Felt different. Snapchat streaks gave me a glimpse of the random pieces of my girl’s new life. Random conversations with my boy in his room doing homework and me downstairs doing homework.

My educational season changed too. 25 years. Over ½ of my life has been spent in education. And it hit me. I am the “mom”. So many young, first-year or few years teachers. It has been a blessing and so fulfilling to support. But I did start feeling age catch up to me. Needing my glasses to see across the classrooms I visited. Asked for advice about teaching and babies and marriage and classroom management.

I noticed a few months ago. I was. Or felt. Lost. Caught in a place where I thought I was still that 20-something teacher. Who happened to have an adult daughter. Who happened to have a son learning to drive. Who happened to have been married over 20 years. Who happened to be teaching and coaching for 25 years. But in reality. I was the veteran. I really did have an 18 year old daughter in college and a 16 year old son driving and 25 years of experience and who couldn’t see who was calling out hi from across the courtyard because I hadn’t put my glasses on yet. And this new season. I had absolutely no schema for. No playbook. No app. Just a feeling. Of standing back and watching as everything moved about me in a time lapse as I turned each way. Searching for where I was.

Now. It’s the end of 2022. My program is done. My APAs are passed. My girl has completed her first semester in college. My son grew into a young man in responsibility and seriousness. Our evenings are still different. Maybe a family movie. Or maybe the kids leaving to hang out together until late.

I am not sure if the season is changing again. I just began. Started. To get used to this one. Kind of.

We. Will. See.